Older sister expects to be treated like royalty and it's really getting to me
DEAR DEIDRE: WHENEVER my older sister comes to visit she expects to be treated like royalty and doesn’t lift a finger. She is toxic and I no longer want her in my life.
I am 62 and she is 66. Our mother died four years ago and because I was divorced and lived alone, I moved back home to live with my father, because he is in his nineties and very frail.
My sister lives far away, has never helped to care for our parents and only visits once a year.
She has always been selfish, cruel and distant and I don’t like her.
After a huge row last year, when she refused to help with Dad when I had hurt my back, I have decided I will only deal with her with regards to our dad.
Lockdown has been a blessing as I’ve not had to see her. But she has announced that when it’s over, she will come for her annual visit and will stay with us.
I don’t want that – it’s my home too – and Dad agrees. How do I tell her?
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DEIDRE SAYS: After a lifetime of being bullied by your sister, you have had enough.
It’s fine to tell her she can’t stay. Clearly and calmly explain that she won’t be able to stay at your home and perhaps suggest that she stays in a local hotel.
You don’t need to justify your decision, which is likely to create more bad feelings. My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help.
If she decides not to come after all, that’s her decision.
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