Unemployed mother complaining about finances in her marriage

Unemployed mother whose husband complains about paying for everything and won’t give her an allowance is warned he’s ‘financially abusive’ – but others insist she shouldn’t expect extra spending money

  • UK-based mother revealed her husband isn’t happy with how they split finances
  • Explained they have a son together and her husband hates paying for everything
  • Posting on Mumsnet, added that she lost her part-time job during the pandemic 
  • Some responses argued she should look for work, others said he’s being abusive 

A mother-of-one who lost her part-time job during the pandemic has revealed her husband is angry about having to pay for everything and complains about having to maintain their home, such as replacing the broken boiler.

Posting anonymously on Mumsnet, the unemployed mother explained that before Covid-19 she was working part-time around their son’s school hours, meanwhile her husband earns a good salary.

He’s become more frustrated with her reliance on him to cover their expenses, and won’t give her any allowance from his income. 

She added that prior to having their son, she worked full time and they split all their bills and expenses 50/50, even though he’s a much higher earner and it left her with nothing from her wages.  

Responses to the post were torn with many arguing he’s being ‘financially abusive’ by not splitting his income equally, while others argued the mother could be earning a living because their son, six, is in school.  

A woman has sparked a debate about how finances should be split in marriage, after her husband complained about having to pay for everything (file image) 

Venting her frustration, the mother wrote: ‘Am I being unreasonable to “expect” my husband to pay for things? He works full time and earns a good wage. He can easily afford to pay the mortgage and bills and still have plenty left over for us to treat ourselves. 

‘I’m currently not working, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I was previously working part time as we have a son, and I work my job around school times so I can look after him. My husband isn’t happy that I don’t make any contribution towards the bills. 

‘I could never afford to on my part time wage and saw what little I earned as money for me if I needed anything. My husband doesn’t give me money for anything and I don’t have access to his money, so when I was working my money was mine and he paid the bills and shopping etc. 

‘He’s always complaining about how he pays for ‘everything’ and how I ‘expect everything for free’. The way I see it is he’s supporting his family. I’m not getting things ‘for free’, I’m his wife not a lodger. Whenever I try to explain this to him he disagrees massively and says I should be contributing financially.’

The mother added that in the past when she’s been out of work her husband hasn’t given her an allowance, but instead has continued to treat himself to nice purchases and nights out with his friends.   

She continued: ‘If I need new clothes, I go without. If he’s working, me and my son stay home as I can’t afford to take him out for the day or anything. I don’t understand how he thinks this is the right way to do things. He says I ask for too much and always want money for things. The only time I ask him for money is if we need something for the house. Our TV recently broke and he bought another one but constantly reminds me that he bought “me” a new TV. 

‘He does this with anything he buys for the house. He bought “me” a new kitchen, he bought “me” new carpets for the upstairs, oh and a new boiler when it packed up. Please tell me I’m not wrong.’

Posting on Mumsnet, the mother explained she lost her part-time job because of the pandemic and has never contributed towards the bills 

A stream of responses agreed with the woman that her husband is in the wrong, arguing he should view the finances as joint because they’re married.

One person wrote: ‘He is financially abusing you. I personally feel finances should be held jointly in a marriage so the relationship can truly be a partnership. It sounds as if doesn’t treat you properly. Would he be open to chatting with counsellor about this?’ 

Another said: ‘I hope you’ll run to be first in the very long divorce queue when this is over – I’m sorry but your husband is a complete and utter gobs****.

A third added that she shouold not ‘put up with this dreadful apology of a husband, father and actual human being! He is treating you like an unpaid servant, to keep house, look after his son and satisfy his sexual needs without him having to make any payment!

‘Don’t let your son grow up thinking this is the way a relationship should be.’ 

A stream of responses accused the woman’s husband of ‘financial abuse’ because he doesn’t see his income as joint 

However, others blasted the mother saying she should’ve been contributing money before she lost her job and it’s unfair to expect her husband to pay for everything.

‘If he paid for the shopping and bills, what did you spend your wages on? Even if you only worked a few days a week that’s a lot for treats just for you. Of course he should be giving you full access to money now or at least an allowance.

‘I sell stuff on eBay but lucky to make £100 a week at the moment. My DP earns a good wage and pays all the bills, but I buy the food shopping. It wouldn’t feel right to spend every penny on myself,’ one person wrote.  

Another said: ‘You expect your husband to pay for everything all the time and you expect to keep your £150 a month to yourself. He’s not financially abusing you, it’s tables turned, you are the one that’s expecting your husband to foot all the bills and pay you an allowance.

‘That’s financial abuse by you. Seriously, what planet are you on? Have you morphed back to the ’50s. Its not going to be easy now in this coivd-19 pandemic but you need to look at what your contribution will be in future’ 

Others argued the mother is in the wrong because she shouldn’t expect her husband to cover all their expenses 

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